Flashback Friday: Dreaming of Paradise

One year ago today, I was sipping fruity cocktails on the beach, with the gorgeous new Aulani, a Disney Resort & Spa in Ko Olina, Hawaii behind me. 

::sobs a little::

I can't believe a year has passed since I last felt the island air blow through my hair as I walked that magical property, and I can't wait for the next visit to our second "home." 

A while back, I wrote a piece for Babes in Disneyland about Disney Vacation Club (DVC) ownership and how it's put so many memorable vacations within our reach since we became members in 2009. It's still one of the best travel decisions we've ever made as a family who loves travel and Disney. Click here to read my post and see more pictures of our DVC adventures, including the week we spent at Aulani.

In the meantime, I'm going to crank up the heater, play some IZ tunes, and pretend I'm back in paradise!

Wordless Wednesday: Little Buzz Lightyear

(Belated) 1st Birthday on the Farm

Invitation designed by B.Nute productions.

In less than two months (CONTROL PANIC ATTACK), my son will turn two years old. I fully believe that time goes by faster with each passing year of your child's life, because I swear we are still putting away party supplies from his first birthday party--seriously…I think there are extra treat bags still next to my bed. 

So, since it has only been a few weeks since his party in my head (but 10 months in reality) I’d love to share the details of his John Deere tractor/farm  party, held at my parent’s home in the country which is surrounded by grapevines and was the perfect locale for an “on the farm” theme.

Guests were greeted by my dad’s actual John Deere 4040 tractor--this is no prop. ;) 

This was the one idea from Pinterest that my so-not-crafty self was able to execute with relative ease. The 3D cardboard letters were purchased at Jo-Ann Fabric and Craft Store and spray painted matte white, then strung with a bouquet of balloons. My amazingly talented friend Natosha Cooke of One Cute Cookie handmade a lot of the party décor to incorporate our theme, including tractor-shaped balloon charms.

For simple and easy centerpieces, I made small arrangements in 16-ounce Mason jars. I wanted the jars that were stamped with “Mason” without much other design or wording and was able to order them from a candle supply company. The 8-ounce jars held colorful fruit candies, which we refilled, lidded, and sent home with the adults as favors.

The food and beverage lables, treat bag tags, invitations and cupcake toppers were designed by B.Nute productions.

I strung the 12 pictures I’d taken of Mason every month since he was born from a green and yellow ribbon with clothespins.

We used the back of my dad’s John Deere Gator as a beverage station, which included old fashioned glass bottled sodas and organic juice boxes for the kids.

 

“Mason’s Vegetable Garden” offered snap peas, carrots, tomatoes and broccoli florets.

We took advantage of all the gorgeous fresh fruit the Central Valley has to offer to make a colorful in-season display, complete with raisins grown at my dad’s farm.

A friend of my mom’s loaned us her vintage John Deere toys to continue the theme on the food table. 

The cupcakes, tractor cake, and smash cake were made by my favorite local bakery, Frosted Cakery. Their work is absolutely phenomenal in both design and flavor. I can’t say enough good things about them, and they may know me by name when I go in to the shop. :) The cake pops were chocolate fudge and the cupcakes were a variety of chocolate, vanilla with confetti, and “green” velvet.

I have a serious sweet tooth, so planning the cake and other treats with Megan at Frosted Cakery  was my favorite part of the party. She took main elements that I knew I wanted and created a fun and very personal custom designed cake, right down to the grapevines and our family farm’s logo hanging on the fence. It was a vanilla bean cake with fresh raspberry filling.

The "Mason" banner and "Farmer Mason" onesie was created by Natosha at One Cute Cookie on Etsy (or visit OCC on Facebook), Mason's John Deere booties were ordered online from Langston's Western Wear, and the custom birthday hat was made by the seller 10candles on Etsy.  Green and yellow tractor-shaped crayons were included in the treat bags, and were also ordered from Etsy.

Our family wore matching shirts embroidered with the family farm’s logo, made by a local screenprinting and embroidery shop.

We offered pony rides for the kids...most of them enjoyed it much more than Mason did.

I’m so pleased with how the party came together, thanks to the help of many talented vendors and friends. Now to get the creative juices flowing for his next birthday…

31.

Turning 30  last year was hard. I ritualistically counted my gray hairs and lamented over not being a twentysomething anymore. Bye bye, youth.

This past weekend I turned 31. While it was not nearly as painful as last year’s milestone, I still don’t know how I’m 31 and the momma of a spunky and spirited little boy who is almost TWO!

How can it be that it’s been nearly three decades since I looked like this?

I’m willing to bet I wouldn’t look quite as adorable in pigtails and a bonnet these days.

But no regrets. I wouldn’t give up the privilege of being here on earth another year to blow out the candles and celebrate my life with the amazing people in it. Not everyone has the opportunity to grow older, take advantage of exciting new opportunities, laugh and cry and laugh some more with good friends, and watch their babies turn into little people right before their eyes.

I’m 31. And I’m thankful.

Wordless Wednesday: Good Morning, Mickey

My girls.

I have a group of friends that I didn’t meet the old fashioned way. We’re not classmates, or neighbors, or coworkers, or sorority sisters, and if you had told me four years ago that some of my dearest friends would be people who are scattered all across the United States, I would have said you were crazy. Nevertheless, I truly can't imagine my life without them in it. Our bond to each other is unique, and the way we came to know one another is somewhat unconventional.

Back in 2008, I was in my mid-twenties and had been married to my husband for two years. We both worked full time, had a comfortable home, and had lots of fun as a dual-income, no kids couple traveling and entertaining. We loved our life and decided it was time to start trying for a baby that summer…which meant I’d be pregnant within a few months (at least in my mind).

Well, I did get pregnant that fall. And then again a few months later. Both pregnancies ended in miscarriages, the second one on Christmas. I was heartbroken. My husband and friends tried to support me the best they could—and they were wonderful—but I felt a deep need to connect with people who understood exactly what I was going through. That’s what led me to a popular online pregnancy and parenting forum. I spent lots of time on the website’s message board that is specifically tailored to women who’ve experienced pregnancy loss. I was especially grateful to have these women to lean on when, after my miscarriages, we were faced with over a year of infertility which lead to many invasive tests and procedures. There's nothing like feeling all alone in the path you are walking, and then to suddenly find someone who can say, "You had a loss? Me too."


We met during the darkest time of our lives—while in the process of, or shortly after, having miscarriages. We use the word “met” loosely because many of us have never actually met in person. We are a diverse group of women from all across the country, each with our own story of grief. Our experiences are varied and include multiple miscarriages, infertility, second trimester miscarriage, postpartum depression/anxiety, premature labor and births, costly infertility testing and procedures, and years of trying to conceive. Through it all, we’ve been there for one another, filling the roles of cheerleader, mentor, savior, therapist, and best friend in ways that people in our everyday lives could not.

The support system we built carried us through on days when we just wanted to give up and let the darkness take over, and because of that very real and constant love, we don’t consider ourselves to be “Internet friends” or an “online support group.” After thousands of text messages, phone calls, Facebook posts, e-mails, and chat conversations, we no longer know each other merely by screen names or avatar pictures. We are friends, plain and simple. The fact that some of us have never had the opportunity to actually meet in person doesn’t change that fact. The women I have been blessed to meet are just as amazing in person, and our connection transitioned seamlessly from online to “real life.”

Along with all of the heartbreak and tears has come an immeasurable amount of joy, because there is a silver lining to our collective story. We now hold in our arms or wombs beautiful, healthy babies—true miracles in more than one sense of the word. Among our children are babies who were born 15 weeks early but are now thriving. There are babies who were conceived naturally, in spite of a devastating infertility diagnosis. There are twin girls born after three years of waiting and wishing through the miracle of IVF. These are children who are the result of countless hopes, prayers and tears, and the fact that we have been through all the joy and pain together has made our victories that much more sweet.

Although much of the pain we experienced has been healed, our hearts are not without scars. Every October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (please visit this website for more information: http://www.october15th.com/). Raising awareness about miscarriage and infant loss and helping women cope with the many fears that come along with having experienced this kind of physical and emotional trauma has become very important to me. It is still such a taboo topic and women should know that they are not alone. There are places to talk about their loss, whether it is online or in person.

Some people in my everyday life have difficulty understanding why I still  have contact with this group of friends now, years after my miscarriages--perhaps because meeting people online is still largely stigmatized. I tend to think that it’s not much different than joining a local mother’s playgroup or signing up for a dating service like match.com. It’s just a high-tech way of connecting with like-minded people. I used to be embarrassed about these friendships because other people perceived them as weird, silly or not real. I now know none of that is true, and I have nothing to be ashamed of. I speak to a few whom I am especially close to every day and we plan family vacations together multiple times a year. There’s nothing sweeter than watching our babies (children we weren’t sure we’d ever be able to have) grow up together.  

I consider myself blessed to have a nationwide network of friends—from Alaska, to California, to Arizona, to Texas, to Florida, to New Jersey and beyond—to catch me when I fall or share in my joy, no matter what kind of goodness or sorrow comes into my life. They're "my girls."  My struggles on the the road to starting a family changed my heart and mind, and not in a way I'd ever take back. Knowing these women--crying for them, laughing with them, and cheering them on--forever changed my life's path in a way I'm nothing but grateful for. Because of knowing them (and their husbands and babies) I have become infinitely more open-minded, compassionate, informed, and—in a word?

Happy.

Always a Mother.

Today is International Bereaved Mothers Day. It was created in 2010 and it falls on the first Sunday of every May. This special day was created to honor and celebrate mothers who carry some if not all of their children in their hearts rather than their arms. 

To my sweet friends who know the pain of a lost pregnancy or child, you're in my thoughts today and everyday.