Wordless Wednesday: Good Morning, Mickey

My girls.

I have a group of friends that I didn’t meet the old fashioned way. We’re not classmates, or neighbors, or coworkers, or sorority sisters, and if you had told me four years ago that some of my dearest friends would be people who are scattered all across the United States, I would have said you were crazy. Nevertheless, I truly can't imagine my life without them in it. Our bond to each other is unique, and the way we came to know one another is somewhat unconventional.

Back in 2008, I was in my mid-twenties and had been married to my husband for two years. We both worked full time, had a comfortable home, and had lots of fun as a dual-income, no kids couple traveling and entertaining. We loved our life and decided it was time to start trying for a baby that summer…which meant I’d be pregnant within a few months (at least in my mind).

Well, I did get pregnant that fall. And then again a few months later. Both pregnancies ended in miscarriages, the second one on Christmas. I was heartbroken. My husband and friends tried to support me the best they could—and they were wonderful—but I felt a deep need to connect with people who understood exactly what I was going through. That’s what led me to a popular online pregnancy and parenting forum. I spent lots of time on the website’s message board that is specifically tailored to women who’ve experienced pregnancy loss. I was especially grateful to have these women to lean on when, after my miscarriages, we were faced with over a year of infertility which lead to many invasive tests and procedures. There's nothing like feeling all alone in the path you are walking, and then to suddenly find someone who can say, "You had a loss? Me too."


We met during the darkest time of our lives—while in the process of, or shortly after, having miscarriages. We use the word “met” loosely because many of us have never actually met in person. We are a diverse group of women from all across the country, each with our own story of grief. Our experiences are varied and include multiple miscarriages, infertility, second trimester miscarriage, postpartum depression/anxiety, premature labor and births, costly infertility testing and procedures, and years of trying to conceive. Through it all, we’ve been there for one another, filling the roles of cheerleader, mentor, savior, therapist, and best friend in ways that people in our everyday lives could not.

The support system we built carried us through on days when we just wanted to give up and let the darkness take over, and because of that very real and constant love, we don’t consider ourselves to be “Internet friends” or an “online support group.” After thousands of text messages, phone calls, Facebook posts, e-mails, and chat conversations, we no longer know each other merely by screen names or avatar pictures. We are friends, plain and simple. The fact that some of us have never had the opportunity to actually meet in person doesn’t change that fact. The women I have been blessed to meet are just as amazing in person, and our connection transitioned seamlessly from online to “real life.”

Along with all of the heartbreak and tears has come an immeasurable amount of joy, because there is a silver lining to our collective story. We now hold in our arms or wombs beautiful, healthy babies—true miracles in more than one sense of the word. Among our children are babies who were born 15 weeks early but are now thriving. There are babies who were conceived naturally, in spite of a devastating infertility diagnosis. There are twin girls born after three years of waiting and wishing through the miracle of IVF. These are children who are the result of countless hopes, prayers and tears, and the fact that we have been through all the joy and pain together has made our victories that much more sweet.

Although much of the pain we experienced has been healed, our hearts are not without scars. Every October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (please visit this website for more information: http://www.october15th.com/). Raising awareness about miscarriage and infant loss and helping women cope with the many fears that come along with having experienced this kind of physical and emotional trauma has become very important to me. It is still such a taboo topic and women should know that they are not alone. There are places to talk about their loss, whether it is online or in person.

Some people in my everyday life have difficulty understanding why I still  have contact with this group of friends now, years after my miscarriages--perhaps because meeting people online is still largely stigmatized. I tend to think that it’s not much different than joining a local mother’s playgroup or signing up for a dating service like match.com. It’s just a high-tech way of connecting with like-minded people. I used to be embarrassed about these friendships because other people perceived them as weird, silly or not real. I now know none of that is true, and I have nothing to be ashamed of. I speak to a few whom I am especially close to every day and we plan family vacations together multiple times a year. There’s nothing sweeter than watching our babies (children we weren’t sure we’d ever be able to have) grow up together.  

I consider myself blessed to have a nationwide network of friends—from Alaska, to California, to Arizona, to Texas, to Florida, to New Jersey and beyond—to catch me when I fall or share in my joy, no matter what kind of goodness or sorrow comes into my life. They're "my girls."  My struggles on the the road to starting a family changed my heart and mind, and not in a way I'd ever take back. Knowing these women--crying for them, laughing with them, and cheering them on--forever changed my life's path in a way I'm nothing but grateful for. Because of knowing them (and their husbands and babies) I have become infinitely more open-minded, compassionate, informed, and—in a word?

Happy.

Always a Mother.

Today is International Bereaved Mothers Day. It was created in 2010 and it falls on the first Sunday of every May. This special day was created to honor and celebrate mothers who carry some if not all of their children in their hearts rather than their arms. 

To my sweet friends who know the pain of a lost pregnancy or child, you're in my thoughts today and everyday. 

I'm a Consigning Convert

There are two things I really love when it comes to shopping. One, a good deal. And two, baby/toddler stuff. Hence, I own five diaper bags and four strollers. (Yes, I may need a 12 step program. I know.)

A few years back, a friend told me about something called Just Between Friends (JBF). Basically, it’s a consignment sale that happens once or twice a year per location and is organized by a franchise owner. Consignors bring their new and gently-used children’s and maternity merchandise to sell, and shoppers can then browse and purchase items—from clothes, to strollers, to toys, to books, to furniture and more—generally for 50 to 90 percent off retail prices. Consignors make 65 to 70 percent of the asking price they set for their items.

Sorting outfits

I’ve visited the JBF sale as a customer for a couple years now, and I have brought home like-new toys and name brand clothes for my son (seriously—a Ralph Lauren polo shirt for 5 bucks?! Don’t mind if I do!), but I sold items as a consignor for the first time at this year’s spring sale in my area.

Let me just say that this is no garage sale. It's an organized, upscale event so it does require some prep time. Clothes must be stain free, in season and in good condition. They ask that children’s clothing be hung on wire, child-sized hangers and then pinned to the hanger to keep everything neat and hung. Step one was sorting the clothes I wanted to sell by size and decide what would be sold as an outfit. I also sold shoes, brand new toys, a bouncy seat, a stroller, bottles, and other baby accessories.

                                                     The crib: a handy prepping area

Next, I made a list of all the items so I could enter them into JBF’s online tagging website. It was free to use and a really ingenious system. The consignor provides their own item description, size and asking price. There’s also a place to indicate whether you’d like the item to be donated if it doesn’t sell and if it should be included in the half-price day or remain full price for the entire length of the sale. Once the tags are all entered, all I had to do was print them on cardstock, cut them, and attach them to my items with safety pins or curling ribbon. Each tag was automatically coded with my unique consigner number, so when the item was purchased I would get credit.

                                          I had quite a few brand new items to sell

I dropped off my items on the designated day—which only involved signing a simple release form and then placing my items in the appropriate areas—and the next night the fun really began. I was able to log in to JBF’s online tagging system and see which of my items sold that day.  It was ridiculously exciting and made the hours of prep time totally worth it. In all, I sold about 45 items and made nearly $200. I had a check in my hand the week after the sale ended and was one happy lady!

I’m already setting clothes and toys aside for the fall sale, which is a small miracle considering my solid reputation for being a packrat who has a strong, STRONG aversion to parting with things.

But once I began to see old stuff as a way to make money to buy new stuff, it was a lot easier to come to terms with getting rid of the clutter!

Team Ryan!

This weekend I am traveling to Newport Beach to participate in the March for Babies walk, sponsored by the March of Dimes. March of Dimes is a great organization that works to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality.

The walk has even greater meaning for me this year because my very good friend Jen delivered a baby boy, Ryan, on March 20, 2012 at just 25 weeks gestation. He has been doing well and amazing us everyday in the NICU thanks to the wonderful care he is receiving at Children's Hospital of Orange County, plus the love, prayers and encouragement he is getting from his friends and family. Every day is different, and he still has a long road ahead, but we are hopeful that one day Ryan will be healthy, strong and chasing after his big sister like little brothers do. :)

Our team has only been fundraising for just over a month, but we are in the top 10 of Orange County teams! Our goal is to get to the top 5 before the walk on Sunday. We’d love to be able to tell Ryan one day how many people donated in his name.

Here is the link to my March for Babies profile page if you want to learn more about March of Dimes and Baby Ryan, or to make a tax-deductible donation to this very worthy cause: http://www.marchforbabies.org/personal_page.asp?pp=4347467&ct=4&w=5523331&u=2courtney

Thank you!

Wordless Wednesday: Raising a Future Disneyphile

Wordless Wednesday